10 Major Mistakes You Make Giving Christmas Gifts

No one wants to open a gift-wrapped faux pas this holiday season.

By Angela Kwan

This nice perk of the holiday season is also surprisingly full of potential etiquette land mines. Avoid these awkward missteps to give the perfect present every time and practice proper holiday gift giving etiquette.

1. You show up at a holiday party with flowers.
Don’t offer a gift to a hostess that she has to take care of, says etiquette expert Savannah Shaw. A seasonal bouquet might seem like a lovely gesture, but your busy host will have to drop everything to find a vase and a spot for it. Instead, bring a gift that will eventually perish, like a candle in her favorite scent, or a bottle of wine (it’s not uncreative, it’s classic).

2. You’re scaling back this year … but don’t mention it to anyone.
Think you (and your family) might be happier with a little less consumption this year? Have a candid conversation with them well before you’re all gathered around the tree, says Good Housekeeping etiquette expert Peggy Post. And be prepared to suggest alternatives. For instance, propose adopting a Secret Santa tradition, limiting gifts to one per family or to children only, or sticking to $10 stocking stuffers.

3. You give your boss an over-the-top gift.
Not the best move, says Post. Giving your supervisor an expensive present (or any present, really) may be misconstrued as an attempt to win her over. Stick to a nice card or something homemade, like your famous oatmeal cookies.

If your coworkers want to chip in and buy a group gift, that’s also acceptable. Just make sure the gift is not too pricey or personal.

4. You buy gifts for only half of your team at work (the good half).
“Don’t pick favorites,” says Shaw. If you’re going to get presents for your employees, it’s best to get the same type of gift for everyone so nobody feels snubbed. A sensible crowd-pleaser? Gift cards to the coffee shop everyone hits before work each day.

5. You buy a kid a gift his parents would never give him.
For instance, don’t buy your nephew a video game if his mom just mentioned that they’re limiting his screen time.

“Stay away from items that parents might not appreciate,” says Aimee Symington, etiquette expert and creator of Blunders, a board game on manners. It’s also a good rule of thumb to steer clear of anything that’s loud, like a musical instrument, or violent, like a toy gun, she adds on the subject of holiday gift giving etiquette.

6. Your friend gives you a present. You lie and say “Oh, I left yours at home!”
Don’t feel guilty if you didn’t buy her something. “The point of gift giving is not to give and get something back,” says Shaw. Peggy Post agrees: “Unexpected gifts don’t have to be reciprocated,” she says. Next time this happens, simply offer your thanks and send a heartfelt card later.

7. You’re a serial re-gifter.
The holidays aren’t a time to unload your unwanted clutter. “If the truth emerges, two loved ones will feel hurt,” says Post. “The original gift-er (because you obviously didn’t value her choice), and the recipient (who thought you’d take the time to find something special just for her).”

Only re-gift if you’re sure the recipient would love the item (which should be brand new and in its original packaging). And never give away a gift the original giver thoughtfully chose just for you. “Re-gifting a nice bottle of pinot noir is okay,” says Post. “Re-gifting a crystal vase your mother brought you from Bermuda is not.”

8. You forget about the babysitter.
If you have a regular babysitter, consider gifting an amount equal to a typical night’s pay. If you don’t want to give cash, it’s appropriate to buy a present you know she will enjoy, like a gift card to her favorite yoga studio. As for nannies, “the standard gift is one week’s pay,” says Symington.

9. You’re peeved when you find out a friend exchanged a gift you gave her.
Don’t take it too personally; How often have you exchanged something you already owned or just wasn’t your style? It’s perfectly acceptable to return a gift under these circumstances, says Post, and it doesn’t mean your friend doesn’t appreciate your gesture. Think of it as good karma: Now, thanks to you, she owns something she really loves but might not have bought herself.

10. You think you have to impress your kid’s teacher.
If you’re at a loss for a clever idea, there’s no shame in going generic. Still, no teacher wants three pairs of slippers and four gingerbread candles. Symington recommends a gift card to a place like Target, where anyone can shop from a variety of departments and is very suitable for proper holiday gift giving etiquette. And ask your kid to write a note saying thanks for all the help he’s received at school. “It’s always nice for the child to give a gift as a sign of gratitude,” says Symington.

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